How do we go about reclaiming our innate state of happiness?
The Purpose of Life
One simple truth that seemed to come through and enter into each discussion between the American psychiatrist, Howard C Cutler and his Holiness the Dalai Lama – the purpose of our life is happiness.
From this perspective, our task becomes one of letting go of the things that lead to suffering and connecting with the things that lead to happiness. The process involves gradually increasing our awareness and understanding of what truly leads to happiness and what doesn’t.
When life becomes too complicated and we feel overwhelmed, it’s useful to stand back and remind ourselves of our purpose. This can help us to get back on track and to see which direction to go in.
The intention of turning toward happiness as a valid goal and the conscious decision to seek happiness, can profoundly change the rest of our lives. While we have this body and this amazing brain, every minute is precious and must be seen as so. We must make the best of our time and we must aim to be of service to all sentient beings and to never cause harm.
Compassion
When the Dalai Lama was asked by Mr Cutler if he ever felt lonely, his response was ‘no’ and he was then asked what he attributed that to. The Dalai Lama responded, saying he looks at every human being from a positive angle, always looking for their positive aspects. This creates an affinity, a feeling of connectedness.
When one recognises that compassion is not sentimental, but is something with much deeper value, then one develops a willingness to cultivate it and integrate it into one’s life. Once that realisation becomes active, then one’s attitude towards others starts to change.
The psychoanalyst and social philosopher Erich Fromm, claimed that humankind’s most basic fear is the threat of being separated from other humans. He believed that the experience of separateness, first encountered in infancy, is the source of all anxiety in human life.
Self-Created Suffering
Guilt
As products of an imperfect world, we are all imperfect. There are things we regret. Acknowledging our shortcomings with a genuine sense of remorse, can serve to keep us on the right track and encourage us to not make the same mistakes again.
But if we allow our regret to degenerate into excessive guilt, holding on to the memories of our past transgressions with self-blame and self-hatred, serves no purpose other than to be a continued source of self-punishment and self-induced suffering.
Resisting Change
Guilt arises when we believe that we’ve made an irreparable mistake. The torture of guilt is in thinking that any problem is permanent. Since there is nothing that doesn’t change, so too does pain subside. This is the positive aspect of change. The negative side is that we constantly resist change, in nearly every part of our lives. The beginning of release from suffering is to investigate one of the primary causes – resistance to change.
The Dalai Lama explained, “It is extremely important to investigate the causes or origins of suffering – how does it arise. One must begin the process by appreciating the impermanent and transient nature of our existence. All things and events are dynamic, forever changing, nothing remains static. All things are subject to change, nothing exists in a permanent state. Thus, all things are under the power or influence of other factors. So, at any given moment, no matter how pleasant or painful your experience may be, it will not last. This becomes the basis of a category of suffering known in Buddhism as the ‘suffering of change’.”
The acceptance of change is an important factor in reducing a large measure of our self-created suffering. So often we cause our own suffering by refusing to let go of the past. Sometimes the more we try to hold on to how things were, the harder we make it for ourselves to embrace the new.
Shifting Perspective
The ability to shift perspective can be one of the most powerful and effective tools we have to help us cope with life’s daily problems.
Often when problems arise, our outlook becomes narrow. All of our attention becomes focused on worrying about the problem and we may develop a sense that we are the only one experiencing a problem. This can lead to self-absorption, making the problem seem greater than it is. At times like this, it is important to remind ourselves that many others have experienced the same and at times, far bigger problems. It is important to keep things in perspective, to keep them real.
In Buddhism, a lot of attention is paid to attitudes toward rivals and enemies. This is because hatred can be the greatest stumbling block to the development of compassion and happiness. If you can learn to develop patience and tolerance towards your enemies, then everything else becomes much easier – your compassion towards others begins to flow naturally.
Compassion is the essence of a spiritual life. In order for one to become fully successful in practicing love and compassion, the practice of patience and tolerance is indispensable.
